MEANDERINGS OF AN UNSUPERVISED MIND

Once upon a time I heard some comedian somewhere (I truly can't remember who or when) say that they felt like they'd been left alone in their head with no adult supervision. I remember completely relating to that concept and being very relieved that I apparently was not the only one who felt that way. So much so that I have used that line often and I desperately wish I had made it up, and though I did not, it is exactly how I feel most of the time. I wonder how many people out there feel the same way. I mean sometimes I feel like that about just being out in the world too. Like I get this scared feeling of, "Oh my God, I am so inept and ill-equipped to make it out here all by myself, how am I going to pull this off?" Sort of like the feeling back in school when the teacher threw a pop quiz or test at you and caught you off gaurd or called on you in class even though you were doing your damndest not to catch eye contact. Now I realize that by admitting these things out loud that I run the risk of exposing some pretty raw vulnerabilities, but if I cannot do that here in the privacy of my blog page, well where the hell can I do it? I mean it's not a crippling fear or anything like that and deep down inside I truly believe that many people feel this way and I am not alone. For the most part if you saw me on the street or driving my car or something, you would never guess that inside my head I am wondering where the "adult in charge" is. It is more like this vague feeling of anxious anticipation one has when they just know that they have forgotten something but can't remember what it is. You know the feeling. Anyway, I've grown quite used to it and have managed to survive 48 years on this earth without harming anyone or myself too badly (at least as far as I know). But I have as yet to feel like I have really found my life's purpose, or my "true north" as Bob Proctor calls it. I wonder if when I do find my calling—and I am holding out hope that I will one day soon—if I will finally find some relief from that nagging feeling. God, I hope so. Meanwhile, deep inside the workings of my unsupervised brain the kids are running rampant with scissors in hand and suckers dangling from their little heathen lips. No rules apply for these critters and they are in short supply of any kind of manners, respect, or etiquette at all. Why they cause all sorts of distractions at the worst possible times, e.g., when trying to pay attention to people during long conversations or trying to remember someone’s name that I just met. Perhaps most aggravatingly they show their true talents at disruption when I try to meditate. But I refuse to let the little buggers win and will continue the quest of finding my “true north” in spite of my fears of incompetence, founded or not. I am trusting that the unknown comic and I are not the only ones trying to make the children in our heads calm down and behave while putting on the most mature and brave adult face we can muster up. If we are......NEVERMIND.

STUFF IN MY HEAD

No one to talk to 'bout stuff in my head;
the ongoing dialog of thoughts left unsaid.
They may not be heard by the physical world,
but inside my mind they unceasingly swirl.
The doubts and the fears of the lost and confused
scared little girl who’s too frightened to choose.
The choices I’ve made in the past seem so poor.
How can I trust myself now to make more?
But life can’t move forward and hope cannot grow
until I decide what to do…where to go.
I’ve plenty examples of what not to do.
I need to see more of the tried and the true.
The good stuff, the happy, the smiles and the pleasure,
I wish I could find more of that priceless treasure.
I must chart my course, set my sails, and have faith
that I’ve come this far and I will find my place.
I’ll beat down the demons of negative voices
that want me to think that I can’t make good choices.
For it’s through my mistakes that I am forced to see
the things I must change if I want to succeed.
I’ll cling to the vision of happier days
when I have defeated this relentless haze.
For if I have learned little else, I know this…
the stuff in my head isn’t really what is.
So this my dear friends is the secret to life,
the key that unlocks all our worries and strife:
It’s all an illusion, a lie we must tell
that creates confusion, our own living hell.
We make up the rules in our heads as we go
and quickly condemn those who take different roads.
If we want to grow, we must open our eyes
and stop making judgments that seal our demise.
It is not advice or approval I seek,
just open hearts that will hear when I speak.
When thoughts go in circles they can make you sick,
so catching a different train may be the trick.
Forgive me if all that I’ve said seems insane.
You’ve just had a glimpse of the world in my brain.

Written by Linda P. Burke Copyright © December 6, 2003

Profundities To Grow By

"Spirit is always for expansion and fuller expression." --Bob Proctor

"It is what draws you to the material you are reading now. It is what draws you to grow everyday. It is what draws you and I to seek the answers in our lives. It is our purpose on this planet to grow in awareness of ourselves, to grow in awareness of our oneness with each other and to grow in understanding how it is that we can best support and connect and love each other." --Margaret Merrill

"If you don't know what your passion is, realize that one reason for your existence on earth is to find it." -- Oprah Winfrey

The SECRET is The Law of Attraction.

EVERYTHING in your life you have attracted. Accept that fact; it's true.

Whatever is going on in your mind is what you are attracting. People think about what they don't want and attract more of the same.

We are like magnets-like attracts like. You become AND attract what you think. What you focus on with your thought and feeling is what you attract into your experience.
--The Secret movie

"You create your own universe as you go along."--Winston Churchill